It’s close to dinnertime. I hear my grandma making a ruckus in the kitchen. I go down to assess the situation. She’s got a bowl of Cheetos in front of her and she’s munching away.
Me: Really? It’s almost dinner? And you’ve chosen to eat shit instead of the dinner I’ve cooked for you?
Grandma: Sometimes it feels good to eat shit! Go Shit! (in Yiddish).
And now I realized where I got the mouth I have…..
The only thing we like better than Grandmas, are one-woman shows about Grandmas!
Check out Bubby’s Kitchen, from our good friend, Shira Ginsberg. You won’t be disappointed, though your Grandma might…
You should buy more “cowboy pants.”
- Grandma telling me to buy some jeans.” —
Grandma and I were walking back from services when I saw a big, almost-full moon shining brightly down on 2nd Ave. When I pointed out the moon to Grandma, she looked up at it and got excited. She said, “Wow! Beautiful! But after all, the moon knows my birthday is next week so it had to say come and out say hello.”
We recently found someone to spend time during the day with Grandma to help her around the house. Grandma was worried that they wouldn’t have anything to do or talk about, so I bought a chess set for them and Grandma is teaching her new friend to play.
Grandma was a middle school math teacher for many years in New York City, and was a brilliant chess player. When I was 10 I came for a visit and we would play. In one match we had this exchange after one of my moves:
Grandma: Darling, you don’t want to move there.
Me: Why not? You can’t take my piece if I move it there.
Grandma: That’s right, I can’t take that piece now. But if you move there, I’ll take your Queen five moves from now…
Not that I’m such a great player, but I’ve never even come close to beating her. We played a few weeks ago and Grandma beat me soundly, humming the whole time. The only way I knew I made one good move is that she stopped humming momentarily after my move, considered the board, and then made her next move and started humming again.
So I mentioned at friday night services to a couple of people that Grandma had been playing chess again. The President came over to Grandma to talk about chess.
President: Fay, I hear you’re playing chess. If it’s ok, I’d love to come over and play sometime.
Grandma: Oh, I haven’t played in forever…
Me: Grandma! You’ve been playing the whole week! Are you hustling right now?!
Grandma (with a slight smirk and a shrug): Well…
After power came back to Grandma’s neighborhood, Dad and I packed up the bags and took Grandma on the trek back to the city. Since it’s a long walk, we took a car service from my apartment to the subway at Borough Hall in downtown Brooklyn. On the subway, a young dude gave up his seat for Grandma, and my Dad gave the guy a fist-bump to say thank you. The dude returned a ‘chin’ to my Dad in recognition.
When the train arrived to Union Square, Grandma got off the train and stopped in place. She put her hands out in welcome, blew kisses, and said, “Hello New York! Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah!”