Grandma came to the opening at my gallery last night and she LOVED meeting two of the chickens from 5 p.m. (Poop Machine)!!! Look at her enormous grin!
On her 107th birthday, this (great-great-grandma) says, “Don’t Exercise, Avoid Medicine and Never Look Back.” I think I could follow those rules! But, will that get GE Smith to play at my birthday?
Of course, Grandma actually knows her! (Ed.)
It’s all quiet in Grandma HQ this week as she is away on vacation in the Berkshires. It’s weird to come home after work to an empty house and all of the usual ruckus. In fact, it’s kind of scary being in that big place all by myself. But I’m glad Grandma’s getting out and seeing some things and hopefully enjoying the nature, especially since winter is right around the corner and her leaving the house becomes more limited.
If my aunt actually had a camera phone I’d ask her to send some photos, but she’s old school and uses a crummy 35 mm camera that takes terrible pictures. So you’ll all just have to imagine how cute she is looking out into the rolling Berkshire Mountains and eating all sorts of yummy food.
Yesterday’s phone conversation:
Me: So what time do you want to meet on sunday?
Grandma: What do you mean?
Me: Well, it’s Rosh Hashanah. I thought we’d meet before for dinner and then go to services.
Grandma: Sunday is Rosh Hashanah? Oh my God, I can’t believe it. You know, if you’re not paying attention, the High Holidays can really sneak up and surprise you!
Grandma seems to like Novak Djokovic, or at least his fist pumps. I think I need to have a talk with her…
Come on, Andy Murray!!
I spent exactly 7 hours and 46 minutes in NYC this past Saturday, having flown into Boston from the West coast the day before. I started off by taking a picture of Grand Central Station and posting on Facebook.
Which leads to Kristina commenting that I should come visit her grandma. To which I respond that I wish I could, but my tight schedule would only allow me maybe 30 min, around 4pm, and only if they live between two very specific destinations within Manhattan. So, in all likelihood, as much as I would LOVE to meet her grandmother, it would be crazy to try to pull off.
I mean, who gets a generic invite comment on FB and responds with a very time constrained, location specific request in return? THIS girl.
But sometimes, stars do align even when you make such exacting wishes. Or, pulling off crazy is just something that one does when you are a fan of a certain centenarian.
At approximately 4:10pm, I crossed the line from blog fan to groupie stalker fanatic when I showed up at Kristina’s door per her directions. We hadn’t seen each other in 17 years, when we were in high school together half a lifetime ago. With the limited time I had, we gave each other the uber-highlight-reel version of our adult lives over iced coffee. And then I asked Kristina to take this picture:
Here Grandma May sits, more than three times my age. She must have been laughing on the inside listening to Kristina and I talk about how weird it is to meet again as adults and marveling about how quickly time flies.
As if we have any idea what we are talking about.
And yes, all of you fans out there, Grandma May is as sweet and awesome and little and wonderful in person as she is on the blog. And totally unfazed by this random girl showing up on her doorstep, insisting on having her picture taken with Grandma. Instead, after saying hello, the first thing Grandma May says to me: “Eat something.”
I was so excited (and admittedly feeling a little shy, considering the situation) that I totally forgot to insist on a picture with Kristina.
We’ll take one next time? And maybe before another 17 years passes by?
Grandma May, thank you for the iced coffee! It was so great to meet you in person!
Grandma and I were sitting in the park across the street from her building, digesting our lunch from Little Poland. It was the tuesday market, so Grandma kept elbowing me in the side and then pointing at the stands.
Grandma: “Look, they have all these wonderful vegetables. Don’t you want anything?”
Me: “Grandma, we just shared a chicken cutlet and a cheeseburger. I can’t eat anything more.”
Grandma: “Ach! You don’t know what you’re missing.”
We sat for a bit more, watching the market and people come and go. There were quite a lot of people with ice cream from 16 Handles. Grandma noticed all the people and said “that place is pretty good, but not this late in the day.”
She then looked at her watch, and elbowed me again in the side.
Me: “Ready for what?”
Grandma: “Wait for it. Listen!”
Just as I thought Grandma was being a little crazy, the bell tower rang with a single clear note. Grandma smiled.
Bell tower: “GONG!”
Bell tower: “GONG!”
Bell tower: “GONG!”
Bell tower: “GONG!”
She then looked around the park, shrugged her shoulders, and got up to leave.
Grandma: “You see that? And all of a sudden, the day is gone!”
Grandma: You tired?
Me: No, are you?
Grandma: Little bit.
Me: Do you want to go to bed?
Grandma: No, I want to eat ice cream!
I wonder if she has more friends than I do.
Most of the time when Grandma is watching tv she has the volume really loud. But even Grandma has her limits; we were watching Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives with Guy Fieri (don’t judge, it was all that was on) and Grandma said, “Make the volume lower, that man is too loud!”
Grandma and I met up last week to take care of some errands around the neighborhood and her apartment. While in the apartment, I noticed that the charger for her cell phone was unplugged from the wall, which is unusual. When I asked Grandma about it, she became a little defensive.
Me: “Grandma, why is the charger out of the wall?”
Grandma: “Oh, that thing! The phone is gone, so I unplugged the charger.”
Me: “What do you mean the phone is gone? Did you misplace it?”
Grandma: “Misplace it? What do you take me for? You think I would misplace something as important as the phone? Come on. I’m telling you, it’s gone.”
Me: “Is it in your purse?”
Grandma: “You don’t think I looked there? I’ve looked everywhere. I’m telling you - either someone took it, or it grew legs and walked away.”
Me: “It grew legs and walked away? Come on, Grandma. You must have misplaced it.”
Grandma: “I would never misplace it. I’m telling you, it grew legs and walked away.”
I started to look around the apartment for the phone, but Grandma waved her hand and called out to me.
Grandma: “I already looked. Stop! Come, let’s go to Little Poland.”
A few days later, my phone rang. When I went to answer, I saw that it was Grandma calling from her cell phone.
Me: “Hi Grandma!”
Grandma: “Hi darling!”
Me: “I see you found your cell phone.”
Grandma: “Oh, yes! You know, it was under the bed near the bedside table.”
Me: “Oh yeah? Well I’m glad you found it.”
Grandma: “Yes! It decided to walk back. Isn’t that wonderful? So, how are you?”
Grandma and I met for lunch and talked on the street for a few minutes about where to eat. I thought we should go to Little Poland since it would be easier for her to get her coffee. But Grandma said she wanted to go where I wanted to go to eat. I told her I wanted to go to Little Poland. ”No! You have to pick somewhere else. I know you’d rather eat somewhere else.”
So we walked to down the block to a sushi restaurant I’ve been eyeing for quite a while. I told Grandma they had tea but no coffee, and she said was fine with it. We entered, and I ordered a yellowtail with scallions roll, and a bento box with teriyaki chicken.
Grandma thought the chicken was good, but didn’t think much of the rolls. ”Too much rice. Why do they eat so much rice?”
I’m not sure if this woman is a grandma or not, but she definitely should have been.
My aunt just had to break it to Grandma that her boyfriend, Matthew McConaughey, has been caught in the buff again after smoking pot. Grandma doesn’t seem mind though. Maybe she likes bad boys too?