Lunch With Grandma

Adventures, Eating, and Ruminations with Some Radical Grandmas.

It Grew Legs and Walked Away

Grandma and I met up last week to take care of some errands around the neighborhood and her apartment.  While in the apartment, I noticed that the charger for her cell phone was unplugged from the wall, which is unusual.  When I asked Grandma about it, she became a little defensive.

Me: “Grandma, why is the charger out of the wall?”

Grandma: “Oh, that thing!  The phone is gone, so I unplugged the charger.”

Me: “What do you mean the phone is gone?  Did you misplace it?”

Grandma: “Misplace it?  What do you take me for?  You think I would misplace something as important as the phone?  Come on.  I’m telling you, it’s gone.”

Me: “Is it in your purse?”

Grandma: “You don’t think I looked there?  I’ve looked everywhere.  I’m telling you - either someone took it, or it grew legs and walked away.”

Me: “It grew legs and walked away?  Come on, Grandma.  You must have misplaced it.”

Grandma: “I would never misplace it.  I’m telling you, it grew legs and walked away.”

I started to look around the apartment for the phone, but Grandma waved her hand and called out to me.

Grandma: “I already looked.  Stop!  Come, let’s go to Little Poland.”

A few days later, my phone rang.  When I went to answer, I saw that it was Grandma calling from her cell phone.

Me: “Hi Grandma!”

Grandma: “Hi darling!”

Me: “I see you found your cell phone.”

Grandma: “Oh, yes!  You know, it was under the bed near the bedside table.”

Me: “Oh yeah?  Well I’m glad you found it.”

Grandma: “Yes!  It decided to walk back.  Isn’t that wonderful?  So, how are you?”


Bento Box

Grandma and I met for lunch and talked on the street for a few minutes about where to eat.  I thought we should go to Little Poland since it would be easier for her to get her coffee.  But Grandma said she wanted to go where I wanted to go to eat.  I told her I wanted to go to Little Poland.  ”No!  You have to pick somewhere else.  I know you’d rather eat somewhere else.”

So we walked to down the block to a sushi restaurant I’ve been eyeing for quite a while.  I told Grandma they had tea but no coffee, and she said was fine with it.  We entered, and I ordered a yellowtail with scallions roll, and a bento box with teriyaki chicken.

Grandma thought the chicken was good, but didn’t think much of the rolls.  ”Too much rice. Why do they eat so much rice?”


A wonderful, sad story.

I’m not sure if this woman is a grandma or not, but she definitely should have been.


Tarnished dreams?

My aunt just had to break it to Grandma that her boyfriend, Matthew McConaughey, has been caught in the buff again after smoking pot. Grandma doesn’t seem mind though. Maybe she likes bad boys too?


Supporting the Bronx Bombers

Grandma and I got together for lunch last week.  As per usual, Little Poland was our destination.  Grandma had her coffee with milk and sweet-n-low, and I decided to have a coke, which elicited raised eyebrows.

Grandma: “You don’t want coffee today?”

Me: “No, the coke will be good.”

Grandma (taking a drink of her coffee): “Hmmp.”

We had our usual chit-chat - traffic on 2nd avenue, the weather, news events, and the Olympics (“When I played volleyball as a girl, we didn’t jump as high or hit the ball as hard as they do now!”).  Even though I didn’t want coffee, I drank some of Grandma’s coffee.

Me: “Sorry Grandma, I’ve been stealing sips of your coffee.”

Grandma (taking another drink of her coffee): “I saw.

I noticed on my coke can that there was a Mets insignia as a special promotion.

Me: “Grandma, take a look at the can.  It has a Mets sign on it.”

Grandma (again, drinking her coffee): “Mets?  I wouldn’t touch it!  I want the Yankees to win.  You know that!”


The Theatre

My aunt and uncle were in town last weekend visiting from LA.  As an outing, the four of us went to see the sunday matinee of One Man, Two Guvnors.  Everyone was excited as James Corden was the lead, and he had just won the Tony award for best actor in a play.

When we arrived, there was a notice that there would be one substitution on the day, and that Brian Gonzales, the understudy for James Corden, would be playing the lead.

No need to be disappointed though, as the understudy was excellent.  Grandma mentioned afterward the show “I wonder if the regular actor would be as good?  I doubt it.”

My favorite part was at the end of the show.  Everyone in the theatre had stood up to give the understudy a well deserved standing ovation.  Grandma leaned forward and shouted at the man in front of her, “sit down!  Sit down!  I can’t see!”  I told Grandma he was giving the actors a standing ovation, and she said “so what?  I still can’t see!”


Indecent proposal

Today my mom and one of my aunts came in to see Grandma and they brought her out on the town. Apparently they stopped in a pizzeria and some 20-something guy who worked there told Grandma she was beautiful and proposed marriage (to which my mom and aunt responded that they’d need to call him “Dad.”

How do I react to a grandfather younger than I am??


I bought Grandma an egg cup in Paris. She insists on using it to drink wine. (Taken with Instagram)

I bought Grandma an egg cup in Paris. She insists on using it to drink wine. (Taken with Instagram)

Afternoon Pizza and a Lesson in Geometry

I met Grandma yesterday afternoon in the park by her house.  A guy was talking to her, even though she was looking the other way.  He introduced himself as Marty, I said hello, and then he left.  ”I’m always talking with your grandmother.  She’s a nice lady.”  Grandma smiled somewhat tensely at the compliment, Marty left, and I sat down.

Grandma: “That guy is crazy.  Harmless, but crazy.”

We sat for a bit, and Grandma said she was hungry.  I told her I’d be up for a bite, but somewhere other than Little Poland.

Grandma: “No Little Poland?”

Me: “No Grandma.  Please.”

Grandma: “Well, let’s go to the place under my building.  They have those yellow triangles and the coffee is pretty good.”

Me: “Yellow triangles?”

Grandma: “Yes, come on, you know what I mean.  It’s yellow and a triangle and has bread and sometimes vegetables.”

Me: “Do you mean pizza?”

Grandma: “That’s it!  I always thought it was a strange name - pizza.  Let’s go.”

Grandma got up from the bench and made her way to the pizza shop near her apartment building.  I think she was more interested in drinking some coffee, and she was lucky because they were brewing a new pot as we arrived.

I ordered a plain slice for Grandma and got a plain sicilian slice for myself.  When the coffee was ready, I made it with sweet-n-low and milk, just like Grandma likes it.  I had a cherry coke and sat down with her.  They brought the pizza out, and Grandma looked at my pizza with caution.

Grandma: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a sicilian slice.”

Grandma: “Why isn’t it a triangle?”

Me: “I don’t know.  The sicilian is a square and the dough is thicker.”

Grandma: “I’ve never seen anything like that.”  She looked up towards the counter.  ”What other shapes do they have?”


Grandmas, I mean Glam-mas, are taking things into their own hands.

Apparently it is a new trend for grandmas to choose their own nicknames before their grandkids are even born, as this article in Jezebel, explores.  

I do not for one second thing that Grandma would appreciate being called Miami or Salsa. Mostly because she has trouble pronouncing those words.

Whatever the reasons — agism or narcissism — it’s definitely a practice that is established enough to warrant The New Grandparents Name Book (published in 2009) as well as articles in places like AARP and that offer suggestions for “hipper options” like G-dawg, Miami, and Salsa. Because nothing conveys “youthfully chic” like confusing a 60-year-old woman with a Flavor of Love contestant.” - Tracie Egan Morrissey


Cooling Off The Hot Summer

Grandma had a new air conditioner installed last week.  I called her to see how it was working.  She said to me “what do you mean how is it working?  It turns on, it turns off.  How else would it work?”


A Song You Can’t Shake

I picked up Grandma from her apartment and we walked to Little Poland for lunch.  She was humming a song the whole way there, as we sat down, and then after we ordered (burgers for everybody!).

She sung a couple of bars, and then asked me if I recognized the song.  It sounded like a song that might have been Jewish or from Eastern Europe.  I told Grandma I didn’t know it, and she ‘I can’t remember either!’

The food arrived and we started eating.  She continued humming, tapping the table in time with the song, and then taking a bite.  Then she threw her hands up.

Me: Are you ok?

Grandma: Oh, I’m fine, I just don’t know the name of the song.

Me: It doesn’t matter.  It’s pretty.

Grandma: Of course it’s pretty, but how do I know it?  Where did it come from?

Me: Maybe from when you were a little girl?

Grandma shrugged her shoulders, and took a bite of burger.  After she swallowed, she looked out the window and starting humming again.  Then she threw her hands up again.

Grandma: Ugh!

Me: What’s wrong?

Grandma: That song!  It won’t leave me alone!


Patent pending.

Grandma has really been cracking me up lately.  Last night, after I was forced to make her banana bread for the third time in as many weeks (baking in this kind of heat wave is not fun!), I went to help her out of her chair for bedtime.  This is what I found:

She had clipped the earplugs she’d received as a souvenir from my cousin’s husband’s flight to China to her shirt so she could carry them to the bathroom.  She’s a genius.  A genius who wasn’t in the mood for me to take a photo.



Thanks to the NPR Family Matters series Lunch With Grandma picked up at least one new reader! And that reader (May) sent Grandma a birthday card all the way from Honolulu, Hawaii!! LWG is getting famous…

May said my grandma reminded her of her grandmother who passed two years ago and would have also been 105 this year. Three cheers for her and all of the grandmas pushing the boundaries of age and a whole lot more! -Kristina