Lunch With Grandma

The times, they have a-changed.

We just did the math and as of this Saturday, when Grandma turns 105, she will have lived:

38,350 days, or
920,400 hours, or
55,224,000 seconds.

She has been alive for 19 U.S. Presidents (Theodore Roosevelt was President web she was born) and lived in the U.S. for 13 Presidents (Franklin D. Roosevelt was President when she moved here).

When she was born there was no running water or electricity in China and she was taken around town in sedan chairs carried by coolies which could even go up mountains.

Now, Grandma has tiny hearing aids, has flown around the world in jumbo jets, has used Skype, and has asked me to find videos for her on YouTube!

Amazing.

-Kristina

How to live to 100? Grandma will tell you the key is wine (but family and sleep don't hurt).

The Salt and Pepper Thief

I don’t know if it’s normal grandma behavior to become a kleptomaniac, but mine certainly has reached this level. Today, while celebrating her birthday over lunch at an upscale restaurant, my grandma mentioned that she wanted to take the salt/pepper grinder. Now mind you this is NOT the first time she’s made this threat. I’ll admit, it’s a pretty cool grinder that when turned one way grinds the salt and when turned the other grinds the pepper. But the lady can afford to buy one for herself.

 

Mind you that we were joking back and forth, but this is about how the conversation went:

 

Grandma: You know, if you don’t let me take this one off the table I’ll just grab one on the way out the door from another table
Me: Then I’ll warn the restaurant of your plans so they can watch you like a hawk
Grandma: You’re really mean, you know that? I’d put it in your purse since you have a bag that is good for taking things that are not your property
Me: I’d rather be mean than be a thief like you!

 

Lunch was fun. We laughed a lot. And I’m not kidding when I tell you that I walked out behind the old broad for fear that she may actually try this time to take one of the cool grinders.

 

Note to self: Maybe I should get her a salt/pepper grinder for her birthday next year….

-Alyssa A.

Wishes.

My cousin: Grandma, what do you want for your birthday?

Grandma: I want everyone’s hearts.

Cousin: You have our hearts.

Grandma: Then I want your love.

-Kristina

A Welcome Heat Wave

I spoke with Grandma today and mentioned that the weather is supposed to be up into the 90s for the next couple of days.  As she normally keeps her apartment at a sweltering temperature - I think so, anyway - I told her to think about putting the air conditioning on once the temperature gets so high.  She doesn’t like opening the windows, so I’m concerned the apartment will become sort of like an oven.

She told me not to worry, that only when it’s warm outside is she actually comfortable.  ”The cold weather may suit you, but I need some heat to feel like everything is ok.”

-Robert

Birthday girl.

Grandma’s 105th (yes, you read that right) birthday is coming up on June 30.  If you want to wish her a happy birthday you can send her a card!  I’m sure she’d love it (and then insist on keeping every single one thus cluttering the house with even more bits of paper).

You can send them to my attention:

Grandma May Lee

c/o Kristina Kaufman

Parsons The New School for Design

2 West 13th Street, Room Z101

New York, NY 10011

USA

-Kristina

This is one tough grandma!

Don’t Mess With Grandma

Grandma and I had a sunday evening telephone conversation.  She’s taking a stand.

Me: “How was your day?”

Grandma: “Very nice, darling.  Very nice.  It was a beautiful day.”

Me: “What’d you do?”

Grandma: “Well, I went down to get a bite to eat.  You know that I try to get outside every day.  So I had lunch and then sat in the park.  It was a most beautiful day, there were all sorts of people.”

Me: “So it was crowded?”

Grandma: “Well, I was able to get a seat on the bench, but some people had to sit on the ground.”

Me: “Grandma, those are the homeless kids that hang out there.  They got in a fight the last time I went to the park with you.  Please stay away from them.”

Grandma: “Homeless?  A fight?  I don’t know about that.  They seem nice.”

Me: “They’re not nice at all.  The last time I was there with you, one of the girls took a skateboard and beat up another girl with it.  Please, when they’re there, maybe you could just avoid the park and go home?”

Grandma: “Look, I leave them alone and so they leave me alone.  They know not to bother me.  I don’t care what they do, that park is for everyone.  Some group of rowdy kids isn’t going to stop me from going!  What, I’m just going to run away?  Come on…”

-Robert